FIVE PRINCIPLES THAT TOOK OUR MARRIAGE FROM GOOD TO GREAT  (Part 4 of 4)

5)  We learned how to maintain communication with each other:

We learned that communication is:

·         The “meeting of meanings.”  (Paul Tournier)

·         Recognizing that talking and having sex is not necessarily communication.

·         Learning the art of disciplined listening – with the head and the heart. (See Jms. 1:19, 20)

·         Learning to respect the other person’s point of view. (See I Pet. 3:8-11)

·         Attacking the problematic issue rather than the person.

·         Courageously facing and resolving problems, rather than sweeping them under the rug. 

·         Not allowing bitterness or resentment to remain in the relationship.

·         Understanding the meaning behind the words spoken.

·         Learning and responding to our spouse’s “love language”: 1

Words of affirmation

Quality time

Receiving gifts

Acts of service

Physical touch

We prayerfully internalized key Scriptures, such as:

·         “Don’t let bitterness or resentment spoil your marriage.” (Col. 3:19 – Phillips Trans.)

·         “Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.” (Col. 3:19 – NIV)

·          “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”  (Pro. 18:21)

·         “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to become angry, for a man’s anger does not bring about the righteousness life that God desires.” (Jms. 1:19, 20)

·         “A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered.” (Pro. 17:27)

We discovered that to establish and maintain communication, we built into our schedule:

·         A few minutes each day to talk and pray.

·         A weekly date night.

·         A quarterly half day together to re-evaluate, plan, re-connect, and have fun.

APPLICATION QUESTION:  Do you think your spouse feels that the two of you are in fact in touch with each other at the deepest level?  One suggestion: Schedule a day or two on your calendar where the two of you can get away to re-connect.  One goal would be to find out if either of you harbor resentment or bitterness toward the other.

1 Credit Dr. Gary Chapman – “Five Love Languages”  - Zondervan Publishing House